It will not have escaped my readers’ notice that our path
through Life is not, alas, ever onwards and upwards to sunlit peaks. We do stumble and experience set-backs but the
great trick is to take all these things in our stride. Nil desperandum, taught the Romans, or Always look on the Bright Side of
Life, if you prefer, a rule I try to observe bravely when clouds gather.
Of course many disappointments are quite trivial. All
visitors to Copenhagen want to see The
Little Mermaid, the statue on a
rock in honour of Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale. I would give it a miss.
It is only 4ft high and you could easily trip over it. It is decidedly
unimpressive and schmaltzy.
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| Copenhagen's Little Mermaid |
Britain is not without her sites which fail to meet
expectations. Who, other than a Druid, can really enjoy much-hyped Stonehenge, that survivor from 3000 BC,
dismal undressed stones in wind-swept Wiltshire? Let UNESCO call it a World
Heritage Site, I give it nul points. Another
let-down was The London Planetarium,
mercifully now closed, where I was dragged as a youngster to appreciate (yawn,
yawn) the Sky at Night.
Before the French get a fit of cynical Froggie giggles, I
contend that Paris has two world class let-downs. The first is The Eiffel Tower, a hideous erection,
all rusty 19th century old iron and wholly incongruous as it horribly
dominates the otherwise lovely city. Guy de Maupassant was surely right to eat
lunch daily in the restaurant there, as it was the only place in Paris without
a view of the wretched Tower! My second Parisian disappointment is, of course, The Mona Lisa, hanging limply in the
Louvre, certainly the most over-rated picture in the world, depicting a very
plump, unexciting woman, her crooked enigmatic smile raking in the euros. There
are a hundred better pictures in the Louvre, Signore da Vinci!
Let me turn to human disappointments. In about 1958, aged
16, I was on holiday in Venice during the Film Festival and although the star
of the Festival was Jeanne Moreau, there was a celebrity appearance of the idol
of the French, sexy Brigitte Bardot.
BB was doll-like, blonde that week, and very pretty……..but, she was tiny! I was
hugely disappointed as I had fantasized that she of the pert bottom and pouting
lips would be able to clamber over me as my young gonads pullulated, but she
would have needed a step-ladder.
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| Small, if perfectly formed, BB |
Absence of stature is often a great turn-off and collusive
photographers have to be called on to alter reality. Hollywood had this problem
with otherwise splendid Alan Ladd, (he
of The Blue Dahlia and Shane) who was a slight 5ft 6in and thus
not ideal for tough guy roles; while mega-star Tom Cruise is 5ft 5in, hardy a midget, but another handicap to add
to his crackpot views and devotion to Scientology. In Britain, the veteran BBC
news-reader Richard Baker had a
macho image until he retired in 1982 as only his top half had been visible on
TV. His decided shortness was soon revealed to the world when he stepped out
briskly into other fields. Most obviously Her
Majesty the Queen is a far from regal 5ft 3in, startling evidence that the
Queen Victoria gene (she was a truly diminutive 4ft 9in) is still going strong.
In our everyday life there are disappointments galore. We
are not appreciated, promoted or fired (with generous compensation) soon
enough. Our wives do not understand us and her much-touted soufflé collapses
ignominiously. Young people are not inspired by that first kiss or first bonk.
Our sly schemes, plots and stratagems become unstuck and we are exposed as the
buffoons we are. Even in our pleasures we are let down. Is there anything drearier
than watching an international soccer game featuring the English team? (Yes, watching the Scottish team!)
We try to derive solace from the great affairs of state but
here too disappointments crowd in. Remember Harold Wilson’s Technological
Revolution, Tony Blair’s New Labour
or David Cameron’s Big Society joined by
the cloud-capped visions of George W
Bush and Barack Obama? We must
move on, as these are some of Life’s BIG Disappointments.
SMD
12.10.13
Text Copyright ©Sidney Donald 2013
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