As the great
P.G.Wodehouse observed “It has never been hard to tell the difference between a
Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.” The British of England, Wales
and Ulster have been exasperated, and Scots like me embarrassed, by the
tendentious wails and complaints of the resurgent SNP, always asking for more,
like a plague of tartan-clad Oliver Twists. I apologise unreservedly and say to
my fellow-Scots “Lighten up, Jimmy!” and above all “Dougal, count your
blessings!”
For Nature and God Almighty, (if that elusive
gentleman is ever at home) have made Scots the most fortunate of people. I need not dilate on the lovely rivers, the
heathery moors, the extensive wooded glens and the majestic mountains; nor need
I remind you of the considerable glories of Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen or
Dundee; nor of the joys of Angus Beef, Tay salmon, McSween’s haggis and Scotch
whisky – a Glen Grant malt, a Famous Grouse blend and, for high days and
holidays, a Chivas Regal or two will do very nicely, thank you. To round off
this fine tally, the country is rather lightly populated by European standards
and you are in no danger of tripping over and bumping into those awful Other People you prefer to avoid. We
Scots are truly blest.
For otherwise we
could be starving in Asia, fearful in the Middle East, exploited in Africa or
mugged in Latin America. The sour, pinched faces of the SNP members of
Parliament are laughably inappropriate. Scotland is a fun place, a safe place
of friendship and hospitality, a great place to work and play. Scots like to
laugh and should face the world “sunny side up” dispensing cheer to those less
fortunate. Famous Scots in history, David Hume, Adam Smith, James Boswell,
Rabbie Burns, Walter Scott and R. L. Stevenson were convivial fellows and later
James Barrie and AA Milne gave untold pleasure to children the world over. We
must not turn our back on this proud heritage and let us join in the popular
songs of Harry Lauder or Andy Stewart and the raucous comedy of a host of
others like Billy Connolly. Whatever Nicola Sturgeon may say, we were born to
be happy.
 |
| SNP pin-up girl Mhairi Black |
I doubt if the SNP
play anything, even the cacophonous bag-pipes, other than to sound a lament, a dirge
or a dismal pibroch. Do they toss cabers, do they indulge in curling, do they breathe in the ozone by playing golf
on the many wonderful links courses of their country? Of course they abhor
these convivial past-times, much preferring to pose for their “selfies” and to
abuse the privileges of the Westminster House of Commons. There they are out of
place, especially the likes of Mhairi Black, 20 year-old victor over Douglas
Alexander. As Dr Johnson remarked, á
propos an expulsion from Oxford, “A cow is very good in a field: but we
turn her out of a garden”; I hope for a gradual attrition of the SNP phalanx
and that at the 2020 election they are diminished to their usual deservedly
irrelevant status and they can return to their kailyard.
Meanwhile I suppose
we will suffer the inescapable toe-curling embarrassments from the SNP members
but essentially they are baying impotently and already too much has been
conceded to them. It is well said that we know when a plane-load of SNP
Parliamentarians arrives at Heathrow: the whining continues even when the
engines are switched off! Let us always remember that the “real” Scotland is
quite different – outward looking, cosmopolitan, appreciative of English
virtues and proud upholders of the United Kingdom.
SMD
27.05.15
Text Copyright ©
Sidney Donald 2015
No comments:
Post a Comment