PLUMS

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner,
Eating a Christmas pie;
He put in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said 'What a good boy am I!'

This famous nursery rhyme celebrates the delectable plum even though historians analyse it endlessly and link it to one Thomas Horner, bribe-giving and bribe-taking henchman of Henry VIII much involved in Glastonbury Abbey at the Dissolution. But enough of academia, I am simply concentrating on Plums – squelchy and delicious, with their fragrant cousins, Greengages and Apricots, not to forget their blessedly laxative dried version of Prunes.

Irresistible Plums

Jack Horner pulled a plum from his Christmas pie, a little mysteriously, as my Christmas pies do not feature plums but apparently in Victorian times plums and raisins were commonly confused, and we had raisins a-plenty. Yet I am out of date and read recipes for Plum Duff, sounding very tasty, including sliced plums and apples.

Plum Duff a la mode

The other Plum I adore is P.G.”Plum” Wodehouse (1881-1975), the author of many dozens of       comic novels and short story collections, who reached his apogee in the 1930s. He also wrote many songs and cooperated with the likes of Jerome Kern in fashioning a clutch of American musicals. Plum created a magical and wholly imaginary world inhabited by brainless Bertie Wooster, denizen of The Drones Club, and his ingenious manservant Jeeves, by Lord Emsworth and a ferocious collection of aunts at Blandings Castle. His golf stories and the tales related by Mr Mulliner also reach an apex of hilarity which still, after many re-readings, make me laugh out loud.

P G "Plum" Wodehouse

I am conscious that quite a few people of my acquaintance do not “get” PGW and will dissent strongly from my chorus of praise for the writer. I stick by my belief that Wodehouse had an incomparable turn of phrase, highly original similes, ingenious madcap plots and purveyed sunshine all the way: I call him a genius.

On Good Friday I went to an excellent Brahms concert in Folkestone. His Concerto for violin and cello was performed and the young solo virtuosi were Savitri and Indira Grier. Savitri (1^st class honours in Music at Christ Church, Oxford) was looking fetchingly glam in a plum-coloured gown while her cellist sister played beautifully too. The main piece was Ein Deutsches Requiem, which I had never heard before, and it was a revelation, much more cheerful than Mozart’s or Verdi’s. The only odd note was that Luther’s Bible renders “At the last Trumpet” as “At the last Trombone” (Die Posaune), which sounds wrong!

Savitri Grier

Not all was high culture this Easter. I plumbed the depths with my umpteenth viewing of Carry On Up the Khyber with Kenneth Williams as the Khazi of Kalabar, Sid James, Joan Sims, Terry Scott and Peter Butterworth in riotous knock-about form. 

Talking about plumbing the depths, some nations lay claim to professional expertise. Thus Belgian dentists were the archetypical private Eurobond investors and now Polish plumbers are supposed to be masters of that dark art. Well, a leak in the flat above us is supposedly fixed on the 3^rd attempt – I can only concede that a Polish plumber is probably better than no plumber but do not take their reputed expertise at face value.

Finally I mused about plum jobs. I reckoned Christine Lagarde of the IMF was the most fortunate of executives – a tax free salary of $468,000 plus perks, plus being treated as a quasi-head of state. She was recently reprimanded but not punished for murky transactions in the Tapie-Credit Lyonnais scandal, while French Finance Minister, and she has allowed her institution to be dragged into the Eurozone’s bail-outs for Greece – not at all the IMF’s business – so I doubt if she will leave an admirable legacy on departing from this “nice little earner”.

Christine Lagarde

 

Donald Trump

At least Lagarde is smart. The winner of the Plum Job stakes must be our friend Donald Trump, inarticulate, volatile, maybe even unhinged US President. How he must love seeing himself as a Superhero from his dog-eared Marvel Comics, squashing Arabs, Mexicans and sinister Orientals. His current adversary is North Korea’s wonder-boy Kim Jong-un, quite mad too, so don your radiation suits!

SMD

17.04.17

Text Copyright © Sidney Donald 2017