Saturday, March 28, 2020

IDLE HANDS



[Dear Readers, Many of you will be in lockdown as we struggle together against the coronavirus. I earnestly hope you and your nearest and dearest are all well or are only mildly affected. Keep up your brave spirits! To the bereaved, I can only express my heart-felt sympathy and condolences. Be sure, this nightmare will end before too long.]


A few days ago, I had a dream, unusual for me as I usually sleep heavily and undisturbed. I was in a pleasant land of bird-song and flowers and in the background, I heard the strains of the Hymn Thou whose Almighty Word with its chorus Let there be Light. I slowly woke up and, to my only slight disappointment, realised I was not (yet!) in the Elysian Fields but still in homely but agreeable Folkestone with her blue skies and bracing sea breezes.

The Old High Street, Folkestone, Kent

My butterfly mind was perplexed by this dream. I am far from being a religious person and I only remember the hymn from my school days 60 years ago. The rousing tune, Wikipedia tells me, is Moscow by composer Felice Giardini (not Charles Wesley to whom it is often mis-attributed). The lyrics of the version normally sung in the UK, in an unusual 6646664 meter, were written by one John Marriott in the 1810’s. I have no idea why this tune flooded my sub-conscious.




The hymn is associated with Evangelical Anglicans and Methodists which reminds me of my Oxford college, St Edmund Hall, from which 6 “Methodist” scholars were expelled in 1768 for their extreme evangelism. Boswell complained to Dr Johnson that expulsion was unduly harsh to which Johnson famously replied: A cow is a very good animal to be in a field; but we turn her out of the garden.”


The hymn was included in the Methodist hymnary at the prompting of Selina, Countess of Huntingdon, a close supporter of John Wesley and George Whitefield, the hyper-energetic Methodist preachers in England and America. Lady Selina was typical of those influential pious ladies who made their mark on Georgian and Victorian Britain with their good works – I would cite Elizabeth Fry and Florence Nightingale. Many men deplored women preaching vide a rueful Dr Johnson again:
"Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all."


By the early 20th century, women had advanced into almost every sphere, encouraged no doubt by the regal example of Queen Victoria herself, by the philanthropy of Angela Burdett-Coutts, by the achievements of the Bronte sisters, by the crusaders against drink, slavery and abuse in the UK and America. When women won the vote, the floodgates opened and all open societies became incomparably enriched. 

By the early 21st century, women were prominent everywhere. Queen Elizabeth II’s reign is already even longer than Victoria’s. The UK has had two female prime ministers in Margaret Thatcher and Theresa May and dozens of cabinet ministers. Cressida Dick heads Scotland Yard, Lady Hale recently retired as president of the Supreme Court and Nicola Sturgeon is First Minister of Scotland. In literature Agatha Christie, Virginia Woolf and Hilary Mantel have mystified, moved and excited us, as have a host of other lady authors.


Florence Nightingale
Emmeline Pankhurst
 
                           

Cressida Dick




Margaret Thatcher













It is not necessary to admire every representative of the fairer sex. Personally, I would pass on spooky Greta Thunberg, the Climate Change fanatic, and on thin-lipped Rebecca Long-Bailey, Corbynista candidate for the Labour leadership. Not that I much care either way, but I put my money on relatively sane and normal Keir Starmer (an alumnus of St Edmund Hall by the way!)


To dispel the illusion that St Edmund Hall is a hothouse of Lefties, I call to the witness box Michael Nazir-Ali, the erstwhile Bishop of Rochester, a postgrad scholar at The Hall in the 1970s.


Michael Nazir-Ali

Born and raised an Anglican in Karachi, Pakistan, Michael is the son of a Shia Muslim convert. He studied in Karachi before doing postgraduate work in Oxford and Cambridge. Returning to minister to the very poor in Pakistan, he incurred the ire of authoritarian President Zia al-Huq and was “rescued” by Archbishop Robert Runcie who gave him an appointment at Lambeth Palace. He thrived and became Bishop of Rochester but resigned in 2008 to join an ecumenical think-tank.


Describing himself as an Evangelical Catholic, his distinctive opinions have regularly offended the liberal establishment. He mourns the breakdown of traditional Christianity in England which he blames on the vacuous Sixties culture. The connection between mothers and their children in transmitting the faith was broken and Michael insists on the duty of couples to have children, if possible, in Christian marriage. He deplores active homosexuality by the priesthood and did not tolerate the proposed elevation of a homosexual to become bishop of Reading. He rejected having talks with the Episcopal Church of America after it appointed a homosexual bishop. He has addressed a UKIP conference but rejects far-right parties like the BNP. He is critical of “multi-culturalism” in historically Christian Britain and he opposes any appeasement with militant Islam, ever-hungry for power and filling vacuums left by a weak Church of England. His voice deserves an audience.


My journey from dreams to hymns, from strong women to exotic clergymen may weary you. Yet, at this dark moment, I am sure all will join me in thanks and praise for the doctors, nurses, carers and emergency staff – so many of them female – who are doing so much to reduce suffering and bring back joy to our lives. Thanks a million!



SMD
28.03.20
Text copyright © Sidney Donald 2020

Friday, March 20, 2020

BENDING ST PETER'S EAR




We always like to personalise events, objects or huge entities, to fit them into our human scale. Thus, the American government is Uncle Sam, our Empire in India was The Raj and, booze is John Barleycorn and gin is Mother’s Ruin. Our current scourge, Coronavirus, is known to look like a floating wart with prickly toadstool-like excrescences, an evil-looking fellow in anyone’s book. I suggest we call him Cyrus the Virus after the demonic character created by John Malkovich, in the violent 1997 action movie, Con Air, who led a vintage group of psychotic criminals to hijack a plane transporting convicts, ultimately foiled by heroic Nicholas Cage, crash-landing on the Las Vegas Strip and causing huge mayhem all the way.


Malkevich as Cyrus the Virus

Our Cyrus is flexing his nasty microbes all over the UK and Europe. Schools are closed, oldies are confined to barracks, bankruptcies are set to grow like asparagus in May, prisons are being emptied and, OMG!, the Eurovision Song Contest in Rotterdam has been cancelled. We cannot drown our sorrows as convivial pubs are off limits, restaurants and those agreeable pavement cafes are shuttered and the TV channels leaven their dismal news bulletins with endless second-rate repeats.


Our politicians are bewildered in this unfamiliar terrain but in time Cyrus will be squashed by vaccines just as Malkovich was killed off messily by a pile-driver in the movie. I guess the Nicholas Cage-like hero of this victory will not be Boris, Macron or Merkel but some hitherto mute, inglorious microscope-scanner of the Marie Curie variety who will make a crucial inspired connection. Make it soon, please!


Meanwhile, the death-toll rises inexorably and our UK medical experts say 20,000 deaths will be “a good outcome” – claiming that 250,000 would be the figure if we took no drastic actions. My age-group and health profile make me a prime target but the odds on survival are still attractive enough at 12-1 though much shorter than the younger population.


My mind has moved to the possible dialogue I will have with St Peter, holder of the keys to heaven, should I unluckily have to present myself at the Pearly Gates. It will go something like this:


Hi St P, I thought you were the good guys, so why, in Christ’s sake, did you send us Cyrus the Virus to muck up my twilight years. You dumb-cluck, you had the power to stop it but you were asleep on the job! No wonder you are shifting uneasily on your comfy chair.


Peer at your ledger and you will see that I am no saint but I would normally have another 10 years to put that right; simple common justice is all I expect! Yes OK, I have not supported your religious beliefs but they emanate from back-water Palestine 2000 years ago and I am a modern man. I have visited your vast and ostentatious place in Rome and in plenty of other places – City of London, Oxford and Norwich come to mind - so I have not been ignorant of your influence, if you care a fig about that.


St Peter at The Pearly Gates

I have been a reasonable, if occasionally neglectful, husband and father. I do not do drugs, beat my wife or drink to excess (in my view). My lovely, dynamic wife has put up with me for 50 years so I cannot be all bad and my three fine sons have shown incredible generosity and affection to me at all times. I keep in enlightened touch with friends and family through my sometimes controversial Blog.


I try to like all my fellow-men but many are buggers, who deserve a kicking. My beliefs were shaped in the liberal 1950/60s but I have drifted in a more populist direction. I am a Tory Brexiteer, perhaps a Conservative Radical, a bit like you St P? Is that Blessed Margaret I see fluttering above? Come on, let me in!


Why are you giving me that “old-fashioned look”?...............



SMD
20.03.20
Text Copyright © Sidney Donald 2020

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE



We had a rather gloomy 2019 until a wonderful election result resolved our EU problem in December. I felt we deserved sunlit uplands in 2020 but suddenly we are beset by the coronavirus epidemic and the Grim Reaper will likely go into overdrive, targeting innocent, or at least inoffensive, oldies like myself. Well, we oldies are not a push-over and we shout from the rooftops our robust defiance to this impertinent virus and will turn these “little local difficulties” into rich life-enhancing opportunities.

At present the restrictions are rather light; apart from obsessively washing our hands (no great imposition), and not touching one’s face (quite difficult), we are avoiding social gatherings (rather a pity). Soon we oldies will not be admitted to large sports events and will be advised to stay at home and tend our gardens. Eventually we may be advised to “self-isolate” which I take to mean having minimal contact with outsiders and my youngest son is currently paying us a lovely long visit to compensate for future separation!


Self-isolation does not sound like any great hardship and I am already planning a programme of activities to while away the tedious moments:


-      -  Appropriately enough, as the stories were supposedly produced by 10 Florentines, 7 ladies and 3 men, sheltering from the Black Death, I shall read Boccaccio’s Decameron (1353) ranging from the tragic to the comic. Otherwise I shall read widely, perhaps avoiding pro tem accounts of plagues and autopsies, which means I drop Daniel Defoe and the gory thrills of Patricia Cornwell’s Dr Kay Scarpetta.

-     -  I possess the excellent, if weighty, American anthology The Limits of Art, collected by Huntington Cairns, and shall re-vitalise my knowledge of the glorious diction of William Wordsworth, increase my range on the works of Alfred, Lord Tennyson (dear Queen Victoria’s favourite), and introduce myself to the poetic joys of Algernon Swinburne, that most talented of the Decadents.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Algernon Swinburne by Rossetti
                                     

-          - The supermarkets may be bereft of baked beans and loo-rolls, so all the more reason to stock up with tasty essentials like Champagne, Whitstaple oysters, fruit cake, nourishing haggis and Speyside malt whisky to see us through the forthcoming short siege.


- With all the wonders of modern computing at my finger-tips, I will converse germ-free with my friends, bucking them up as necessary, and listen to the endless pleasures of Bach and Mozart, leavened with an occasional dash of Elvis, Abba and Elton.


Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Elton John emphasises the positives

     

-        - I will be able discreetly to turn down, or off, the relentlessly “woke” effusions from the liberal-left media, lecturing us on the creation of a multi-racial society, positive discrimination, sexual equality, women’s rights, alleged exploitation and their limits to free speech. Whatever their merits, and there are some, I resent having them rammed down my throat by a motley bunch of fanatics whose over-egged indignation weakens their case. I welcome a period of self-isolation from this noisy gaggle.


Yes, we face more uncertainty and some danger to our health, hopefully quickly to dissipate when the April and May sun warms our cockles. Remember that there are friends and neighbours who may be worse off than you, to whom we should render support. Allow our common humanity to unite for the benefit of us all.


Fear not, as a few days ago, our morale here in Folkestone took a particularly happy upwards turn. After scientific investigation, carbon dating et al, the hidden bones discovered years ago in a venerable (13th century) local church were declared to be almost certainly the relics of St Eanswythe (614-640), grand-daughter of Anglo-Saxon King Ethelbert of Kent, an early convert of St Augustine. She founded the first priory for nuns in newly Christianised England – such a reassuringly devoted ally in these uncertain times! In Folkestone, she is our patron saint and protector and her intercession is, I assume, divinely guaranteed!



SMD
10.03.20
Text Copyright © Sidney Donald 2020